New Year New You

So I am now on my 8th day of truthfully journaling on weight watchers. I say truthfully because I have done ww in the past however I have been lying to myself about what I have been eating and needless to say it did not work. So this time I am taking some steps to make it work. I have been using etools which has message boards and a plan manager. I am on the 100 Days of Journaling challenge message board. Every morning I go on and post a message...today I am on day 8 of 100. Believe if or not I already feel better. I have been sleeping better...less hot flashes...less stomach issues...more energy and it has only been one week.

Last night Nate and I set up our Christmas present...treadmill. They should tell you that the first workout you will complete on your treadmill is putting it together. It took us about 2 hours. But it is together and I am looking forward to going home today after school and starting my running program...well jogging for now. I am pretty much starting over. I am at the highest weight I have been in 15 years and the worse shape. Just not healthy. I am doing something about it.

We got our dining room and stairwell painted over the Christmas break. We had to repair the ceiling because of water damage. I is so nice to be making progress on the house.

Our puppy dog Jackson is going to the vet today, because he hurt his left hind leg. It is very swollen and he has been limping. Nathan is taking him and he said in just that he will return with him no matter what. I didn't think that was so funny. Nathan always says that he wouldn't spend a lot of money to get a dog treatment...well he may not but I will. We have had lots of snow and ice lately and Jackson must of slipped and pulled something or perhaps fractured his leg. He isn't wincing but he is having trouble walking down the stairs and getting up in the morning. When you take charge of a life, even a dogs' life, you have to take care of it even if it does cost you money.

Nothing new on the fertility front...just waiting until my body decides that it wants to be back to "normal". I am actually looking forward to getting my period. I want my body to feel like a woman again...lol.

About time

I decided to sit down this morning and update my blog, that I have been neglecting for a while. I would say it is because of time, but that is an awful excuse to use that I have been using for a lot of things lately including the state of our house, the state of my body, and the state of my classroom. At least the state of my marriage is going great...Nathan and I have a way of wasting time together. But I love cuddling on the couch with my Natedogg, except it would be nice to cuddle on the couch in a clean, renovated house, with a healthy body and not worrying about all the grading and things I have to do at school. So in order to be in a better place, I have decided to start my New Years Resolution a little early...the great majority of the cookies are out of the house so that is one step closer to a healthy body. We are working on the dining room over break. That is our Christmas gift to each other. So there is one step closer to a house that is not a renovation zone. Laundry is washing and the kitchen is clean so there is one step closer to a clean house.

I am excited about starting a new year. It has been 27 weeks since I got my first lupron shot so it should be wearing off in the next 2 months...I hope so. It seems to be cycling through because some days I will be hot flash free and sleep through the night, other days, like the last week I am still waking up sweating and hot as hell. It is a suffocating heat...now I can empathsize with all women going through menopause...it is an awful feeling. I have been very emotional lately also so that leads me to believe that my hormones are trying to get started up again. Funny how I spent a year wishing that I would not get my period, and now I can't wait until it starts again, so we officially start trying again and get on with whatever is going to happen.

It does seem that everyone around me is having babies. My siser-in-law is pregnant with twins. I am very excited about being an aunt again. She seems to be very cautious about what she says about being pregnant around me which is empathic of her and my brother. I am envious of their situation,but I am more happy for them. On the other hand, a teacher at work is pregnant and often uses the line "you just need to relax and it will happen" That line just makes me want to scream. No matter how much I relax...it may not happen. I have a disease that causes infertility, so no..no matter how much I relax it may not happen. So when I came home last week from school I was in a poopy mood. It is hard to listen to pregnancy talk all day from someone who is not in a healthly relationship and oh it just happened. I am really trying to be happy for her, however she has a lot of struggles ahead of her and I hope and pray that things work out for the best for her and her child.

One of our friends is also expecting. I am excited about also, because they are such great people and will be awesome parents. They are a bit unconventional and I can't wait to watch them raise their children, it will be awesome.

We have been talking about adoption, but I know that if I am unable to get pregnant it will be hard to get through it, until I am actually holding our child in my arms, rather I give birth to a baby or not.

We broke down and brought a treadmill. Not a fancy one, but one we could afford from Sears. We knew that either I had to join the gym again which is 25 miles away or something. So we did a little number crunching and with the deal we got from Sears it would be less expensive to buy a treadmill even if it only last a year than it would be to get the gym membership that I would have to drive 50 miles round trip too. I really don't know why I have never bought one. During my marathon training, the treadmill at the gym has always been the main reason I went to the gym. I am very excited about running again and getting in shape. I know that changing my eating habits is necessary also. I eat better and feel better when I am exercising. Everything should start clicking again when I can start running again. Hard to run outside with 2 feet of snow and ice on the roads and sidewalks. Treadmill is suppose to be here Jan. 7th...I can't wait.

Today I am going to head to Lowe's to get some more plaster and paint for our dining room table. Then, to work on the dining room and tonite I am going to do some scrap-booking. Amy and I did some cricuting yesterday...it was nice doing something with her. Hopefully in the future we will live closer to each other and then be able to grow closer in our relationship.

Been a while

I know that it has been a while since I have updated so I am going to take a little time today.

As far as fertility stuff...my doctor called yesterday and we have set up an appointment for my Hysterosonogram for November 6th. This will allow the doctor to see if there is any blockage in my fallopian tubes. I have heard that many women get pregnant within several cycles after this procedure because they think that the dye may clean out the tubes a little. I am still bothered by hot flashes from my lupron therapy...they are not as frequent now however when they hit they are almost suffocating with lots of sweating. I am sleeping better, but not completely through the night yet. Restless sleep has made me very tired during the day. I feel good until about 2pm then the tired wall hits. I am hoping that by Christmas my body will get back on track and we can TTC with actually hopes of it working. We have been talking a lot about all of our options if things don't work out the way we hope...We are not going to go as far as in-vitro because of the cost and the disappointment of it not working. We have decided that if I am not pregnant within the next year and a half we will start putting our money away for adoption. We are thinking about international adoption.

Nathan and I have been very busy with work and school and we are looking forward to the trip to Mexico where we can spend some much needed time relaxing and hanging with family. Nathan has been missing his family like crazy lately being very overwhelmed with school and working full-time. He has 6 more weeks of school which I hope fly by and then he can have a break over the holidays. I have found out that I am only 1 course and 6 credits of practical experience away from being able to get certified in administration and supervision. My requirements will be complete spring 2011 the same time Nathan graduates and gets his teaching certification. I am going to apply to assistant principal jobs down state (because that is where the money is and where the jobs are). If I get a job we will be moving in that direction summer 2011 if not then we will probably stay up here in the mountains as long as Nathan can get a teaching job, which I think is a good chance especially being a male in special education, and save some money and keep applying to admin jobs down state. Either way will be able to pay down some debt and save some money for our "forever home".

Our house is still in the renovation process. We were hoping that we would be flooring ready by December but that is not going to happen. I work on the house when I can. It seems like we never get anything done but little things are adding up and before pictures really show the work we have done, even though we only seem to focus on the work that we have yet to do.

I am looking forward to the holidays...this is my favorite time of year. My dad and I are going to get the decorations out this weekend because they are in the Holiday open house and because he doesn't want to freeze his hands off putting up lights in late November. My niece is coming up this weekend to trick or treat for the first time and i am very excited she is such a little sweetheart. My sister-in-law is expecting twins and I am kind of hoping for two boys so that Chloe can be the big sister and the only daddy's girl, but knowing the amount of girls in my sil's family who knows.

I have made the decision to go back to weightwatchers. I start this Saturday at the meeting in Cumberland. I have been trying to lose weight on my own, however I just can't seem to do it. The only time I lost weight in a healthy way was when I was in weightwatchers before and attended meetings. I was using the excuse of cost, however it was just an excuse because the cost we will save in food and the need for new "fat girl" clothes from me doing weightwatchers is probably greater then the cost of meetings...in fact I know that it is. I have new running shoes and I have been trying to get out and run, but it has been raining like crazy. I am going to see if I can take the YOGA classes at the Y that are offered after the ww meetings on Saturday mornings so it would be very convenient.

Half way done and we have a plan

I haven't been blogging in a while, so I decided I needed to come and update everyone. I will start with my lupron and onto what is happening in the other parts of our lives.

This past Monday I received my second and last lupron shot. I was very hesitate about the shot again with the side effects I have been experiencing, but I decided that I needed to finish out this therapy so that we can move on to having children. The hot flashes have not subsided, but for now I have been sleeping a little better with only waking up to hot flashes and then I am able to get back to sleep. I have a feeling that this will not be the case in a few weeks, but until then I am trying to get as much sleep as possible. I am glad to be on the downhill of this medicine and I asked my gyn what the next plan was and he said scheduled me for a HSG in 2.5months to make sure my tubes were clear and blood work in 3.5 months to test for Follicle stimulating hormone to make sure that my ovaries are getting back on track. He said that he wants me pregnant within 6 to 9 months from today (meaning Monday).

Pretty much miserable

I have officially been on lupron for 2 months now. For the last six weeks I have had terrible hot flashes which has lead to insomnia and I have been pretty miserable. I sleep for about 3 to 4 hours and then I am up every 30 minutes...on fire. The routine is that I have a hot flash which wakes me up, I cool down, I get chills because of the sweating and then I pull the blanket back on me and try to relax my way back to sleep and then the cycle starts over again. It is now 6am and I am awake not because I am really awake, but because I am tired of fighting sleeping.

The new drugs that my doctor prescribed did not help the problem and they actually added on a new side effect of headaches. When I take the medicine I deal with not only being hot but I have to endure a headache most of the night. I gave the medicine one week and I can not deal with the extra side effects since the sleeping has not gotten better.

On a good note...I have been getting into scrapbooking. I am almost done adding pictures to my wedding scrapbook and I have completed a scrapbook for a friend. I am working on another scrap book for a friend that is getting married. My parents got me a cricut cutter as an early birthday gift...and it is awesome. I am finding that once you start with the basic things you want to be able to do more and more means more money. The cricut is a cool machine, however it is an expensive toy. I am thinking of starting to make cards and maybe selling them at this local arts and crafts place where my mom has her quilts. Even at $1 a piece I would be making a little money and I would be able to put it toward more stuff for my scrapbooking.

Today our neice for Colorado is coming to visit for the week and we are very excited about having her. She is 9 and has never been in the northeast, so we have a lot of things planned. I am hoping to be able to stay in DC after we pick her up from the airport, but if it is sweltering hot then we are just going to head back up the mountains. The heat makes for a miserable day in DC.

Sweating...

Lupron Week 6... I actually got some sleep when I was on vacation at the beach last week. I think a combination of a/c and alcohol allowed me to sleep through most of the hot flashes and sweats. Too bad we had to come back home. The kicker is it isn't even that hot at nite at home, however our bedroom is a sauna. So last night was a terrible nite for sleeping. I got in bed early so that I could read and I sipped on a glass of sleepy time tea with ice in it of course. I started drifting off around 9:30pm so I decided to turn the light off and get some sleep. Well that didn't last long. The first time I looked at my watch it was 12:30am...and of course I am drenched in sweat and burning up from the inside out. Since I was wide awake and en fuego I decided to go downstairs and watch a little TV until I could fall asleep again...stepping out of the bedroom there is quite a temperature drop and as I was walking down the stairs I could feel the cool air. So the living room is way cooler...I opened out another window and there is actually a breeze. So I laid on the couch and watched some TV...The Nanny has become my show of choice in the wee hours of the morning. Around 2am I think that I can go up to our bedroom. That didn't last long it was way hot or I was way hot and the dogs were incredibly smelly, who knows what Jackson got in to, so I went back downstairs and got a small bowl of cereal and laid back down on the sofa. Finally sometime around 3am I fell asleep. Woke up for good around 5:30am...sweating of course.

I may have to give my doctor a call because I know that once school starts I have to be on my toes. Getting little sleep is not going to cut it. I would hate to break down in my classroom because I am tired and emotional.

I started running again on Sunday. It is quite the struggle, but at least I am getting out there. Nathan has been running with me when he isn't at work. He is being very patient about the slow pace and sometimes having to walk. I am taking this losing weight and getting back into shape thing one day at a time and so far that past 2 days haven't been that bad. I am taking recipes from Julian Michaels' book. There are some good ones and some that we can't get the ingredients. I am switched back to my 1 cup of cereal in the morning with fruit instead of competing with Nathan with eggs and pancakes. I really want to loose some weight for Mexico in November. I got a really cool new swimsuit at the beach because it was really on sale and I want it to look good and well fit in Playa del Carmen. The amount of weight that I have gained in the last year is out of control. I use to be able to consider myself healthy and in shape and I have let all that go. So one day at a time, it took me a year to get this way and I have to get it through my head that it is going to take at least that long to get back to where I would like to be. I planning on running the Shamrock Marathon in March 2010, so I have to get my mileage up to 25 miles a week before I can start the training.

Work on the house has been going well. We are know trying to get the master bathroom complete. It has had some kinks along the way. I finally thought we were getting somewhere and the paint on the ceiling started peeling, just along the edges. Once we started trying to fix that, it started coming off in sheets. So we are removing the paint off the entire ceiling and we are going to have to prime and paint without harming the countertop and walls so this is going to be a slow careful project.