Looking back on 2013...a year of excitement mixed heavily with tears as we continued on our journey to bring a child into our lives. We began the year with an iui treatment cycle that included our first round with injectables. We were so excited to begin a new protocol. The treatment cycle went great. The injections weren't as bad as expected. Since we are teachers, we had the majority of the treatment cycle off of work and were able to travel the hour drive to monitoring early in the day and have the rest of the day to relax. The 6am car ride was dark and long, however our excitement for what the treatment may bring was overwhelming. Our treatment cycle did bring a pregnancy, but it was short lived. I couldn't wait for the bloodwork, so when I begin to feel "pregnant" I took a home test and the 2 pink lined appeared. Cautious optimism, however I was excited. This may have actually worked. I went in for bloodwork which showed a positive beta, but a low number. I went in 48hrs later and the beta showed the pregnancy did not keep and was diagnosed as a chemical pregnancy. Heartbroken.
The spring was full of sports practice and more test. I had major genetic testing done that involved 19 vials of blood and a huge bruise going up my arm. These test showed that I am a carrier of the mutation for Fragile X, a severe MTHFR mutation, and an anti-thrombin mutation. This diagnoses brought us to a genetic counselor, a hematologist, and a major decision of what our next steps would be. I was put on low dose baby aspirin, more folic acid with vitamin B, and we decided that the 4% chance of passing on Fragile X to a son was not enough for us to stop trying to have our own child.
Our summer was full of traveling. Our 6000 mile summer. We visited family in Minnesota, a friend's wedding in Wisconsin, ending our month long vacation with a week in the Outer Banks with family. A wonderful and relaxing summer.
We begin our second treatment cycle with Shady Grove Fertility in August. This was an IUI that included injectables and many monitoring appointments. As before I was unable to wait for the bloodwork and took a hpt 10 days after the insemination and there it was the second pink line. Very cautiously optimistic this time around, as this would make my 5th positive hpt. This pregnancy was an up and down roller coaster of tears, maybes, and what ifs. At 4 weeks, when an ultrasound should show a sac...there was nothing. Our doctor sent us to the main office because my numbers were so high and there was a fear of an ectopic pregnancy, tears. At 5 weeks there was a sac, measuring a little small, but it was there, joy. A week later went back for another ultrasound and the gestational sac was bigger and a yolk sac was present, however no heartbeat, tears. 4 days later another ultrasound. We were expecting the worse, tears even before the appointment and lo and behold there it was, a heartbeat. A little slow and slightly hidden, but it was there, cautious, very cautious optimism. This was our first heartbeat. Our 5th pregnancy, our first heartbeat. The baby was measuring behind, however there was hope, even though small, that it may catch up. I decided I would be happy this week. I would be pregnant and not contemplate what the next appointment would bring. Week 8 ultrasound..no heartbeat...lots of tears...heartbreak. A miscarriage. For one week I was pregnant. I went about my days pregnant. This was the longest pregnancy that we have had since our journey began 5 years ago.
We are still on the roller coaster ride of this pregnancy. I am under monitoring that includes bloodwork every week until my beta draws drop back to not pregnant. My hormone levels have not dropped as fast as the dr's or myself would like. I have terrible veins and every blood draw brings numerous sticks and bruises. We had the tissue analyzed which will be discussed with us at our follow-up appointment in February.
Silver-lining...My husband and I went to an adoption information meeting at Bethany Christian Services. This meeting once again began the excitement of how we would build our family. I also received my NationalTeacher certification, which has opened up the financial means to begin the adoption process. We are planning to attend another agencies' meeting and also talk with the state agency about foster to adopt. Our goal is to choose our path and begin the application process this summer. We will keep the appointment with our fertility dr, however we will not go through IVF and will only consider another IUI if there are answers as to why we can not keep a pregnancy.
My goals for 2014 are to get my life back. Infertility has consumed my life. I have let my own physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being go. I am resolving to find myself again. To get healthy and remember that being healthy will ultimately lead us to building our family and living the life we want.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Infamous temp drop
This was our last cycle of drugs, blood test, and all the other things fertility related, it should I say infertility related. We have decided for our sanity, mostly my sanity that we are taking a break to concentrate on the next step of our lives that should include new jobs and a new home and perhaps a new body. I have started weightwatchers again and hopefully I will have the will power to journal everyday and start to exercise. I have been working on my spiritual well being by taking part in UMW, teaching Sunday school and going to church. Now it is time to concentrate on mind, body, and soul.
Nathan and I will be attending the educational consortium for Maryland. I hope that we are able to get jobs in the same county or at the very least I hope we get jobs.
Nathan and I will be attending the educational consortium for Maryland. I hope that we are able to get jobs in the same county or at the very least I hope we get jobs.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Up until now
May 27th was my annual gyn appointment and also my “fertility” conference to set up a plan for getting pregnant. I was very disappointed when my Dr. said that he wanted to do 3 more natural cycles because natural is best and my greatest window of fertility will be during the first 6 months after my period starts after the lupron. I thought maybe he would suggest clomid or at the least to monitor my cycles for hormones, ovulation, and such. However all he said was to “Relax” ugh that is not was I wanted to hear…actually he said that he sees obese women who smoke, drink, and don’t take care of their bodies getting pregnant all the time and this is because they do not think about their bodies at all. I have to wonder if the stress I put on my body by thinking about getting pregnant is worse than the stress they put on their bodies by being unhealthy. Also how I’m I suppose to not think about it when every morning at 5am I have to take my temperature and record it. I start my day with thinking about it.
He did mention the expense of out of pocket fertility treatments and I know that they money really isn’t there for such an expense but I guess I wanted something more than “Relax”.
Nathan and I did get to spend the weekend together for his birthday. We went to Savage River Forest and went camping. It was very nice, just sitting by the fire, reading and taking walks. Nathan turned 29 with a Happy Birthday Smore. His last year in his 20’s. Mom and dad came out on Friday nite for hotdogs and marshmallows and we managed to dodge the rain and storms that we could hear but did not make it to the valley. We hope to go camping a few other times this summer and even talked about a cross country camping trip next summer to Colorado. We realized this would take a lot of planning especially with 2 dogs and perhaps and baby (you never know…I am trying really hard to be relaxed)
School ended on June 8th . I was very ready for the end of the school year and so were my students. We had 2 weeks between testing and the last day so that wasn’t so bad but it seemed to drag on.
We plan on spending our summer working on the house, working at Mickey D’s (Natedogg), and visiting with family and of course relaxing trying to make babies.
June 10, 2010
14 DPO – so I am not exactly late but I have never gone this long without a temperature drop and spotting. I am trying very hard not to get my hopes up since I took a cheapie hpt yesterday and of course it was negative. I decided to give my cousin Sherrie and call and send her a picture of my chart to see what she thinks. Sherrie said my chart looked really good, of course this does nothing for not getting my hopes up. She told me to get First Response hpt with the two pink lines and take it with first morning urine. So I would have to wait until tomorrow morning. I am not good with waiting. I picked up the test at the grocery store and a bottle of water. I know that this isn’t the best way to do the test in the middle of the day and just after drinking water, but oh well. There was three test in the box and I can take another one tomorrow if my temp is still up and my period hasn’t shown up yet.
So I get home, let the dogs out, and go straight to the bathroom. Nathan was asleep because he had worked the night before, so I could do this without him noticing and suffer in silence with the negative that was surely to appear.
I took the test and after about 20 seconds the indicator line began to show…disappointment…but the test does say wait 3 minutes, so I leave it on the window sill and go down stairs to let the dogs in and try to avoid looking at the stick until the 3 minutes are up.
I go back up stairs pick up the stick and…wait is that another pink line, NO WAY I must be seeing things…I begin to shake and cry….”NATHAN!!” He jumps out of bed probably because of my blood curdling scream… “Do you see it? I think I see it is there 2 lines?” “Yes it is there”…. lots of hugging and crying and can’t believe its… WOW I didn’t think I would ever have the opportunity to see those 2 pink lines. Words can not express my feelings. I am beyond excited, thrilled.
Had to call Sherrie and of course send her a pic of the stick. I could not believe it. I called my Dr because he told me to call as soon as I am late or get a +hpt because of me being high-risk. The nurse asked if I could come in for bloodwork that afternoon…of course.
June 11, 2010
Bloodwork came back Beta 79, Progestrone 31. Any beta over 10 is considered pregnant and the dr said he likes to see progesterone over 11 to show that the uterus is responding the way it should. No sex, Stay out of the sun, Stay off your feet, Relax. (no more ripping up flooring) I have to go in for blood work next Thursday to see if my beta is doubling and my progesterone is increasing. But yes I am pregnant.
We have decided to tell my parents on Saturday night when my mom gets home. I am going to make 2 scrapbook pages that say Mom-Mom & Me and Pap-Pap & Me, plus pick up 2 grandma/grandpa bibs. We are thinking about waiting until Mom and Dad Gough come out in July to tell them so we can see their reactions, but we may not be able to wait that long. We are probably going to tell our brothers and sisters…we aren’t good at keeping secrets. I know that it is way early, however if something does happed these people are our support so we want them to know what is going on.
Symptoms: very sore and tender breast, tired, and a little queasy
June 12, 2010
Nathan took his Praxis test this morning for Social Studies. He has been studying so hard and working so hard in school. I am crossing my fingers that he only has to take this one time and be done with it. The test was in Hagerstown so I decided to go to my brothers and see the babies and perhaps spill the beans.
“So I have a secret.” “You are preggers?” says Chris… “We knew it.” says Amy… “How did you know?” “Mom and dad can’t really keep a secret.” “They don’t know…we just found out. Why would you think they know?” “Well mom picked up maternity clothes and baby outfits at a yard sale.” “Nope they don’t know.”
Got the cutest bibs and onesie at Carter’s while I was waiting for Nate to finish his testing. Weird to be buying baby things for me and not for other people.
When we got home from Hagerstown we headed to mom and dad’s for grilling out and of course letting them know the big news. We were sitting out on the patio and I said… “Oh mom I have something I want to show you…let me go get it. I have been working on some scrapbooking. (nothing unusual) I opened to pages in front of mom and dad they looked at it. Took a few seconds…than mom jumped up.. “You are having a baby!” more tears and hugging. Dad was a little taken back. I know he worries about our current situation, with Nathan in school and working on the house. But I know he is happy to have another grandbaby on the way.
Symptoms: sore and tender breast, tired, a bit more hungry (I think), soreness in my hips, trouble sleeping (probably just too much thinking)
June 17
More bloodwork. Repeat Beta and P4 levels to measure progress.
June 18
I called the Dr’s office to get the results of the bloodwork. Labcorp said that the office has the results in their system in the morning. I called at 1pm and was told that the Dr was in surgery but she told me that my Beta was 320 and P4 was 9.8. Automatically my chest got tight. I knew that my beta levels did not increase the way they should and my progesterone level had decreased by 2/3rds. My mind started racing. I called the nurse back to ask if the p4 drop was a concern and she said no that it should go back up. I just felt that something wasn’t right. I could feel all the “symptoms” of pregnancy starting to slip away and of course my stress level going up.
June 23
Things still feeling off. Nathan and I headed to bed at around 10pm, I had some cramping and just did not feel good at all. At around midnight I woke up and had to go to the bathroom and that is when I saw the blood. I heart stopped. I started to yell to get Nathan up and I started to cry. We didn’t know what to do. I started to throw up. I have never been this upset. We have been wanting to be pregnant for so long and I could not believe this was happening to us. I started to yell about all the rotten parents out there and the women who don’t take care of their selves and have babies. Of course living in an area of low socioeconomic communities I see young, poor girls everyday that get pregnant and have babies and here we were unable to keep ours. I called my mom to ask what we should do and she said that we should head to the ER. So that is what we did…
It was a terrible night. The ER dr was awesome. He was very straight forward and stated the facts of the situation while being very sensitive to the situation. He spoke to us as educated adults which doesn’t always happen in this area when you go to the doctors. He said that we were threatening a miscarriage. The hospital took my betas again and it had dropped to 312. I also had a sonogram and it only showed a small sack. I should have been 6 weeks and if it was a healthy baby we would have seen a heartbeat.
June 24
Saw my gyn today and more bloodwork and another sonogram. He never said miscarriage and still seemed to hold on hope that the sac would grow. I knew in my heart that it was over. I was not happy with the way things were handled by my dr. I spent the next 2 days at my mom and dad’s house hanging out on the couch and working on a baby quilt for some friends. The quilt was actually very therapeutic. The friends that were having the baby were going to be excellent parents and this was comforting that a couple that would love and take care of their child was having a baby.
I am glad that I had such a wonderful and supportive family and that I had told those close to us that I was pregnant, because when we had to tell them about the miscarriage we had their support which was so comforting. I am very thankful for my faith and knowledge that everything happens for a reason. The scientist in me knows that when there are things wrong with cells they will die and that your body takes care of itself as best it can. The Christian in me held very tight to the belief that God has a plan even though he doesn’t make the plan known to us. I did struggle with jealousy and just plain meanness to those who had babies and we not taking care of them or taking care of themshelves.
I was able to miscarry naturally which I am thankful for. I did not want to go in for a D&C.
June 26
Another dr’s appt for a sonogram and bloodwork to confirm that there was nothing left and my beta levels were going down. The dr told us to wait for 3 cycles however we decided to just take it easy on the baby making and see what God’s plan is.
Summer 2010
Not a good start to the summer and my emotions about our situation was all over the place. I am an emotional eater and I gave myself free range on eating, which was not good for health or my stress. I also stopped running and managed to gain back the weight I had lost before I got pregnant. We didn’t get as much done on our house like we would have liked. It was just a weird kind of summer.
Fall 2010
Back to school and being completely overwhelmed with school and work. Nathan was still at McDonald’s and completed his first semester of student teaching. Nathan has also been working on his capstone paper for social studies. I was immersing myself in my practicum for administration and supervision in order to complete my Administration and supervision endorsement in December. We know that we will be very tired and stressed over the next school year, however the light at the tunnel is starting to show and Nathan and I are very much looking forward to the end of this journey we have been on.
NOW February 19, 2011
It has been a while since I have sat down to write an entry into my blog aka communication with Mom Gough and the few others that want to read. Nathan and I have been very busy with school and work so this has been keeping up hopping.
Where are we on our fertility journey? December 2010 was our first medicated cycle with clomid. This cycle was to create a base line for the medication. I was kind of hoping for a miracle that the first medicated cycle would work. Eventhough I had a good response 8 follicles in the left ovary and unknown in the right. I did not get pregnant. January 2011 cycle was unmedicated but monitored which meant lots of bloodwork and sonograms. The blood people know me by name and they are also hoping for a pregnancy soon. Without medication my cycles are very long which may be affecting my chances of getting pregnant. Today is the first day of our second round of clomid (fertility medication) and this cycle we will be doing our first IUI (intrauterine insemination). Clomid is a 5 days cycle. I will be having bloodwork on Monday February 28 and if everything working the way the dr thinks it will be we will be doing insemination on Tuesday March 1st. I am very excited about this. I am glad that we are doing something to get this going. I know that this may just lead to more disappointment however I am praying that our time is soon. I know I shouldn’t count my chickens, however if this cycle would work we would be due on Thanksgiving Day…what a blessing and anyone that knows me knows that Thanksgiving is the start of my favorite time of year. I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment but I just can’t help but to think ahead, that is just the way that I am. The success of clomid and IUI will be seen within 3 cycles.
Everything else
The light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter, however we are on a bumpy track right now. Nathan is still working on his paper that we are getting done this weekend and turning in on Monday. He has been very stressed lately about school work, student teaching, and testing. On a great note Nathan has passed the Social Studies content knowledge test, the special education content test, and just has one more test the pedagogy test that he will be taking March 12. We have started to get prepared for this test. I was able to finish my administration and supervision endorsement in the fall. I am just waiting for Maryland State Board of Education to issue my new certification. I am currently taking 3 courses…School Finance at Frostburg State and 2 teaching technology classes online through Marshall. After these classes I will be at Masters + 45 status which is the next pay level up and the last one until doctorate. After this semester will be concentrating on the School Leadership test which I will take in the fall. This test is required to be a principal, but I am able to be an assistant principal which is my goal for the fall.
I have started to submit applications for a new job in several counties and Nathan and I plan to attend at least 2 teacher job fairs.
We had a touch of spring for the past couple of days but expecting the cold weather back and perhaps some snow/wintery mix on Tuesday. I cant wait until spring and especially can’t wait for this summer, whatever this summer will bring.
He did mention the expense of out of pocket fertility treatments and I know that they money really isn’t there for such an expense but I guess I wanted something more than “Relax”.
Nathan and I did get to spend the weekend together for his birthday. We went to Savage River Forest and went camping. It was very nice, just sitting by the fire, reading and taking walks. Nathan turned 29 with a Happy Birthday Smore. His last year in his 20’s. Mom and dad came out on Friday nite for hotdogs and marshmallows and we managed to dodge the rain and storms that we could hear but did not make it to the valley. We hope to go camping a few other times this summer and even talked about a cross country camping trip next summer to Colorado. We realized this would take a lot of planning especially with 2 dogs and perhaps and baby (you never know…I am trying really hard to be relaxed)
School ended on June 8th . I was very ready for the end of the school year and so were my students. We had 2 weeks between testing and the last day so that wasn’t so bad but it seemed to drag on.
We plan on spending our summer working on the house, working at Mickey D’s (Natedogg), and visiting with family and of course relaxing trying to make babies.
June 10, 2010
14 DPO – so I am not exactly late but I have never gone this long without a temperature drop and spotting. I am trying very hard not to get my hopes up since I took a cheapie hpt yesterday and of course it was negative. I decided to give my cousin Sherrie and call and send her a picture of my chart to see what she thinks. Sherrie said my chart looked really good, of course this does nothing for not getting my hopes up. She told me to get First Response hpt with the two pink lines and take it with first morning urine. So I would have to wait until tomorrow morning. I am not good with waiting. I picked up the test at the grocery store and a bottle of water. I know that this isn’t the best way to do the test in the middle of the day and just after drinking water, but oh well. There was three test in the box and I can take another one tomorrow if my temp is still up and my period hasn’t shown up yet.
So I get home, let the dogs out, and go straight to the bathroom. Nathan was asleep because he had worked the night before, so I could do this without him noticing and suffer in silence with the negative that was surely to appear.
I took the test and after about 20 seconds the indicator line began to show…disappointment…but the test does say wait 3 minutes, so I leave it on the window sill and go down stairs to let the dogs in and try to avoid looking at the stick until the 3 minutes are up.
I go back up stairs pick up the stick and…wait is that another pink line, NO WAY I must be seeing things…I begin to shake and cry….”NATHAN!!” He jumps out of bed probably because of my blood curdling scream… “Do you see it? I think I see it is there 2 lines?” “Yes it is there”…. lots of hugging and crying and can’t believe its… WOW I didn’t think I would ever have the opportunity to see those 2 pink lines. Words can not express my feelings. I am beyond excited, thrilled.
Had to call Sherrie and of course send her a pic of the stick. I could not believe it. I called my Dr because he told me to call as soon as I am late or get a +hpt because of me being high-risk. The nurse asked if I could come in for bloodwork that afternoon…of course.
June 11, 2010
Bloodwork came back Beta 79, Progestrone 31. Any beta over 10 is considered pregnant and the dr said he likes to see progesterone over 11 to show that the uterus is responding the way it should. No sex, Stay out of the sun, Stay off your feet, Relax. (no more ripping up flooring) I have to go in for blood work next Thursday to see if my beta is doubling and my progesterone is increasing. But yes I am pregnant.
We have decided to tell my parents on Saturday night when my mom gets home. I am going to make 2 scrapbook pages that say Mom-Mom & Me and Pap-Pap & Me, plus pick up 2 grandma/grandpa bibs. We are thinking about waiting until Mom and Dad Gough come out in July to tell them so we can see their reactions, but we may not be able to wait that long. We are probably going to tell our brothers and sisters…we aren’t good at keeping secrets. I know that it is way early, however if something does happed these people are our support so we want them to know what is going on.
Symptoms: very sore and tender breast, tired, and a little queasy
June 12, 2010
Nathan took his Praxis test this morning for Social Studies. He has been studying so hard and working so hard in school. I am crossing my fingers that he only has to take this one time and be done with it. The test was in Hagerstown so I decided to go to my brothers and see the babies and perhaps spill the beans.
“So I have a secret.” “You are preggers?” says Chris… “We knew it.” says Amy… “How did you know?” “Mom and dad can’t really keep a secret.” “They don’t know…we just found out. Why would you think they know?” “Well mom picked up maternity clothes and baby outfits at a yard sale.” “Nope they don’t know.”
Got the cutest bibs and onesie at Carter’s while I was waiting for Nate to finish his testing. Weird to be buying baby things for me and not for other people.
When we got home from Hagerstown we headed to mom and dad’s for grilling out and of course letting them know the big news. We were sitting out on the patio and I said… “Oh mom I have something I want to show you…let me go get it. I have been working on some scrapbooking. (nothing unusual) I opened to pages in front of mom and dad they looked at it. Took a few seconds…than mom jumped up.. “You are having a baby!” more tears and hugging. Dad was a little taken back. I know he worries about our current situation, with Nathan in school and working on the house. But I know he is happy to have another grandbaby on the way.
Symptoms: sore and tender breast, tired, a bit more hungry (I think), soreness in my hips, trouble sleeping (probably just too much thinking)
June 17
More bloodwork. Repeat Beta and P4 levels to measure progress.
June 18
I called the Dr’s office to get the results of the bloodwork. Labcorp said that the office has the results in their system in the morning. I called at 1pm and was told that the Dr was in surgery but she told me that my Beta was 320 and P4 was 9.8. Automatically my chest got tight. I knew that my beta levels did not increase the way they should and my progesterone level had decreased by 2/3rds. My mind started racing. I called the nurse back to ask if the p4 drop was a concern and she said no that it should go back up. I just felt that something wasn’t right. I could feel all the “symptoms” of pregnancy starting to slip away and of course my stress level going up.
June 23
Things still feeling off. Nathan and I headed to bed at around 10pm, I had some cramping and just did not feel good at all. At around midnight I woke up and had to go to the bathroom and that is when I saw the blood. I heart stopped. I started to yell to get Nathan up and I started to cry. We didn’t know what to do. I started to throw up. I have never been this upset. We have been wanting to be pregnant for so long and I could not believe this was happening to us. I started to yell about all the rotten parents out there and the women who don’t take care of their selves and have babies. Of course living in an area of low socioeconomic communities I see young, poor girls everyday that get pregnant and have babies and here we were unable to keep ours. I called my mom to ask what we should do and she said that we should head to the ER. So that is what we did…
It was a terrible night. The ER dr was awesome. He was very straight forward and stated the facts of the situation while being very sensitive to the situation. He spoke to us as educated adults which doesn’t always happen in this area when you go to the doctors. He said that we were threatening a miscarriage. The hospital took my betas again and it had dropped to 312. I also had a sonogram and it only showed a small sack. I should have been 6 weeks and if it was a healthy baby we would have seen a heartbeat.
June 24
Saw my gyn today and more bloodwork and another sonogram. He never said miscarriage and still seemed to hold on hope that the sac would grow. I knew in my heart that it was over. I was not happy with the way things were handled by my dr. I spent the next 2 days at my mom and dad’s house hanging out on the couch and working on a baby quilt for some friends. The quilt was actually very therapeutic. The friends that were having the baby were going to be excellent parents and this was comforting that a couple that would love and take care of their child was having a baby.
I am glad that I had such a wonderful and supportive family and that I had told those close to us that I was pregnant, because when we had to tell them about the miscarriage we had their support which was so comforting. I am very thankful for my faith and knowledge that everything happens for a reason. The scientist in me knows that when there are things wrong with cells they will die and that your body takes care of itself as best it can. The Christian in me held very tight to the belief that God has a plan even though he doesn’t make the plan known to us. I did struggle with jealousy and just plain meanness to those who had babies and we not taking care of them or taking care of themshelves.
I was able to miscarry naturally which I am thankful for. I did not want to go in for a D&C.
June 26
Another dr’s appt for a sonogram and bloodwork to confirm that there was nothing left and my beta levels were going down. The dr told us to wait for 3 cycles however we decided to just take it easy on the baby making and see what God’s plan is.
Summer 2010
Not a good start to the summer and my emotions about our situation was all over the place. I am an emotional eater and I gave myself free range on eating, which was not good for health or my stress. I also stopped running and managed to gain back the weight I had lost before I got pregnant. We didn’t get as much done on our house like we would have liked. It was just a weird kind of summer.
Fall 2010
Back to school and being completely overwhelmed with school and work. Nathan was still at McDonald’s and completed his first semester of student teaching. Nathan has also been working on his capstone paper for social studies. I was immersing myself in my practicum for administration and supervision in order to complete my Administration and supervision endorsement in December. We know that we will be very tired and stressed over the next school year, however the light at the tunnel is starting to show and Nathan and I are very much looking forward to the end of this journey we have been on.
NOW February 19, 2011
It has been a while since I have sat down to write an entry into my blog aka communication with Mom Gough and the few others that want to read. Nathan and I have been very busy with school and work so this has been keeping up hopping.
Where are we on our fertility journey? December 2010 was our first medicated cycle with clomid. This cycle was to create a base line for the medication. I was kind of hoping for a miracle that the first medicated cycle would work. Eventhough I had a good response 8 follicles in the left ovary and unknown in the right. I did not get pregnant. January 2011 cycle was unmedicated but monitored which meant lots of bloodwork and sonograms. The blood people know me by name and they are also hoping for a pregnancy soon. Without medication my cycles are very long which may be affecting my chances of getting pregnant. Today is the first day of our second round of clomid (fertility medication) and this cycle we will be doing our first IUI (intrauterine insemination). Clomid is a 5 days cycle. I will be having bloodwork on Monday February 28 and if everything working the way the dr thinks it will be we will be doing insemination on Tuesday March 1st. I am very excited about this. I am glad that we are doing something to get this going. I know that this may just lead to more disappointment however I am praying that our time is soon. I know I shouldn’t count my chickens, however if this cycle would work we would be due on Thanksgiving Day…what a blessing and anyone that knows me knows that Thanksgiving is the start of my favorite time of year. I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment but I just can’t help but to think ahead, that is just the way that I am. The success of clomid and IUI will be seen within 3 cycles.
Everything else
The light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter, however we are on a bumpy track right now. Nathan is still working on his paper that we are getting done this weekend and turning in on Monday. He has been very stressed lately about school work, student teaching, and testing. On a great note Nathan has passed the Social Studies content knowledge test, the special education content test, and just has one more test the pedagogy test that he will be taking March 12. We have started to get prepared for this test. I was able to finish my administration and supervision endorsement in the fall. I am just waiting for Maryland State Board of Education to issue my new certification. I am currently taking 3 courses…School Finance at Frostburg State and 2 teaching technology classes online through Marshall. After these classes I will be at Masters + 45 status which is the next pay level up and the last one until doctorate. After this semester will be concentrating on the School Leadership test which I will take in the fall. This test is required to be a principal, but I am able to be an assistant principal which is my goal for the fall.
I have started to submit applications for a new job in several counties and Nathan and I plan to attend at least 2 teacher job fairs.
We had a touch of spring for the past couple of days but expecting the cold weather back and perhaps some snow/wintery mix on Tuesday. I cant wait until spring and especially can’t wait for this summer, whatever this summer will bring.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Relaxing
May 27th was my annual gyn appointment and also my “fertility” conference to set up a plan for getting pregnant. I was very disappointed when my Dr. said that he wanted to do 3 more natural cycles because natural is best and my greatest window of fertility will be during the first 6 months after my period starts after the lupron. I thought maybe he would suggest clomid or at the least to monitor my cycles for hormones, ovulation, and such. However all he said was to “Relax” ugh that is not was I wanted to hear…actually he said that he sees obese women who smoke, drink, and don’t take care of their bodies getting pregnant all the time and this is because they do not think about their bodies at all. I have to wonder if the stress I put on my body by thinking about getting pregnant is worse than the stress they put on their bodies by being unhealthy. Also how I’m I suppose to not think about it when every morning at 5am I have to take my temperature and record it. I start my day with thinking about it.
He did mention the expense of out of pocket fertility treatments and I know that they money really isn’t there for such an expense but I guess I wanted something more than “Relax”.
Nathan and I did get to spend the weekend together for his birthday. We went to Savage River Forest and went camping. It was very nice, just sitting by the fire, reading and taking walks. Nathan turned 29 with a Happy Birthday Smore. His last year in his 20’s. Mom and dad came out on Friday nite for hotdogs and marshmallows and we managed to dodge the rain and storms that we could hear but did not make it to the valley. We hope to go camping a few other times this summer and even talked about a cross country camping trip next summer to Colorado. We realized this would take a lot of planning especially with 2 dogs and perhaps and baby (you never know…I am trying really hard to be relaxed)
School ended on June 8th . I was very ready for the end of the school year and so were my students. We had 2 weeks between testing and the last day so that wasn’t so bad but it seemed to drag on.
We plan on spending our summer working on the house, working at Mickey D’s (Natedogg), and visiting with family and of course relaxing trying to make babies.
He did mention the expense of out of pocket fertility treatments and I know that they money really isn’t there for such an expense but I guess I wanted something more than “Relax”.
Nathan and I did get to spend the weekend together for his birthday. We went to Savage River Forest and went camping. It was very nice, just sitting by the fire, reading and taking walks. Nathan turned 29 with a Happy Birthday Smore. His last year in his 20’s. Mom and dad came out on Friday nite for hotdogs and marshmallows and we managed to dodge the rain and storms that we could hear but did not make it to the valley. We hope to go camping a few other times this summer and even talked about a cross country camping trip next summer to Colorado. We realized this would take a lot of planning especially with 2 dogs and perhaps and baby (you never know…I am trying really hard to be relaxed)
School ended on June 8th . I was very ready for the end of the school year and so were my students. We had 2 weeks between testing and the last day so that wasn’t so bad but it seemed to drag on.
We plan on spending our summer working on the house, working at Mickey D’s (Natedogg), and visiting with family and of course relaxing trying to make babies.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
On our way, again
It has been quite a while since I have updated my blog. A lot has been going on as we come to end of the school year and head into a busy summer.
Nathan and I have 1 more week of classes at school and then onto finals week. Nathan is definitely ready for this semester to be over and done with. I have a project presentation this coming week on cyberbullying in my school law class and the final the following week. This is my last actual course for my administration and supervision certification. I will be starting my internship this summer, working with my current principals. I have to get 360 hours over the course of this coming year, as well as complete a portfolio of my internship, so I will be busy, but this isn't anything new. I will also be during some workshops this summer. One on technology in the classroom and one that with GIS stream mapping which I will be implementing the software in the classroom. I am debating studying to add chemistry onto my certification endorsements so that when we try to get into the Maryland or Virginia system I will be more marketable. I am still undecided if I want to go into administration right away and it may be difficult to get an administration job when I have not been in the Maryland system. Plus it would be nice to have our summers and holidays off together to travel while our kids are young. Have to weigh all the pros and cons, and even though the money would be more, time together with family may outweigh that for now.
Nathan will be entering the classroom starting in the fall. He has 2 courses he will be taking one in coaching and one in education. He will be in the classroom for 6 weeks in the fall and then full time (15 weeks) in the spring. He is hoping to be placed at my school so that we can drive together and have the same hours and holidays. I know he is looking forward to being in the classroom. Nathan is very passionate in everything he does and his teaching isn't going to be any different.
We are back on track for trying to conceive. I finally got my period April 8th after 9 loopy lupron months. My cramping was still very bad, even though the medication was suppose to decrease the endometriosis and shrink the tumors. I have decided that I will not go through the treatment again in the future. It is only one day of pain so I just soak in a hot bubble bath and take lots of advil. Nathan is always helpful with back and leg rubs. I know that he feels pretty helpless when I am in pain, but there is nothing anyone can do and end the end if I can get pregnant it will be well worth it. I have been charting again and my body has gotten back on track really quickly. I have a dr's appointment June 7th so we are going to try naturally until then and see where that gets us. I have read information that clomid and intrauterine insemination often works with women that have endo so we may have to go that route. This would work in 3 to 4 cycles if it works at all. That is as far as we are going to go with fertility assistance. If it doesn't work we Nathan starts teaching we are going to start puttting money away for adoption, however we are not going to prevent pregnancy. I am not going to take birth control pills which they say can help the endo pain and I am definitely not having a hysterectomy where I will be on hormones for the rest of my life. 24 hrs of pain isn't that bad.
Nathan and I have 1 more week of classes at school and then onto finals week. Nathan is definitely ready for this semester to be over and done with. I have a project presentation this coming week on cyberbullying in my school law class and the final the following week. This is my last actual course for my administration and supervision certification. I will be starting my internship this summer, working with my current principals. I have to get 360 hours over the course of this coming year, as well as complete a portfolio of my internship, so I will be busy, but this isn't anything new. I will also be during some workshops this summer. One on technology in the classroom and one that with GIS stream mapping which I will be implementing the software in the classroom. I am debating studying to add chemistry onto my certification endorsements so that when we try to get into the Maryland or Virginia system I will be more marketable. I am still undecided if I want to go into administration right away and it may be difficult to get an administration job when I have not been in the Maryland system. Plus it would be nice to have our summers and holidays off together to travel while our kids are young. Have to weigh all the pros and cons, and even though the money would be more, time together with family may outweigh that for now.
Nathan will be entering the classroom starting in the fall. He has 2 courses he will be taking one in coaching and one in education. He will be in the classroom for 6 weeks in the fall and then full time (15 weeks) in the spring. He is hoping to be placed at my school so that we can drive together and have the same hours and holidays. I know he is looking forward to being in the classroom. Nathan is very passionate in everything he does and his teaching isn't going to be any different.
We are back on track for trying to conceive. I finally got my period April 8th after 9 loopy lupron months. My cramping was still very bad, even though the medication was suppose to decrease the endometriosis and shrink the tumors. I have decided that I will not go through the treatment again in the future. It is only one day of pain so I just soak in a hot bubble bath and take lots of advil. Nathan is always helpful with back and leg rubs. I know that he feels pretty helpless when I am in pain, but there is nothing anyone can do and end the end if I can get pregnant it will be well worth it. I have been charting again and my body has gotten back on track really quickly. I have a dr's appointment June 7th so we are going to try naturally until then and see where that gets us. I have read information that clomid and intrauterine insemination often works with women that have endo so we may have to go that route. This would work in 3 to 4 cycles if it works at all. That is as far as we are going to go with fertility assistance. If it doesn't work we Nathan starts teaching we are going to start puttting money away for adoption, however we are not going to prevent pregnancy. I am not going to take birth control pills which they say can help the endo pain and I am definitely not having a hysterectomy where I will be on hormones for the rest of my life. 24 hrs of pain isn't that bad.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Still hot, but thinner
On my way to getting healthier and getting my body back. Today is day 51 of journaling in weightwatchers. I have lost 11.4lbs since January 1 and I was able to run 4.35 miles in 45min. So I am slowly getting back to where I would like to be. I know that it is going to take some time. It took me 3 years to gain the weight, hopefully it won't take me that long to get rid of it. I am signing up for a half marathon in June and will be starting long runs in March. I am hoping to get outside to do the long runs and that we don't get anymore snow. The sun is shining today however we are suppose to get a storm tomorrow, but it may just be rain depending on the temperature.
As far as fertility is concern...I am still getting hot flashes and what I like to call mini aniexty attacks. Friday was 23 weeks after my second shot and it is suppose to be out of your system by 24 weeks...I don't think that is going to be the case for me. Night sweats, hot flashes, and insomnia are still an issue. I am sleeping better since I started running, so that is a good motivating factor. I have starting reading a book called Conquering Infertility and it has a great section on stress relieving exercises. We I have trouble falling asleep or wake up in all crazy in the middle of the nite I slow myself down and do one of the exercises. The authors made an excellent metaphor about stress and your body. Think of a deer running in front of you when you are driving and all the things your body does to respond to this "fright". When you are under stress that does not go away aka infertility...you do not give your body a chance to return to a calm state. It is as if a deer is running in front of you over and over again. This can do crazy things to your body including lowering your immune defenses, and putting undo stress on your body which can effect fertility. So I am trying to use the mind/body techniques throughout the day and at night when I feel my anxiety and stress start to take over.
I am planning on calling my doctor in the beginning of March if my cycle still hasn't returned. When I started the medication he said March...so hopefully that is the case.
I am taking a School Law class and learning a lot from it. Nathan is doing well in school, has signed up for the Praxis in social studies, and is starting to get things together for student teaching.
As with everything our life is busy and I can't beleive that it is going to be March soon. I am looking forward to spring and to my first summer not working.
As far as fertility is concern...I am still getting hot flashes and what I like to call mini aniexty attacks. Friday was 23 weeks after my second shot and it is suppose to be out of your system by 24 weeks...I don't think that is going to be the case for me. Night sweats, hot flashes, and insomnia are still an issue. I am sleeping better since I started running, so that is a good motivating factor. I have starting reading a book called Conquering Infertility and it has a great section on stress relieving exercises. We I have trouble falling asleep or wake up in all crazy in the middle of the nite I slow myself down and do one of the exercises. The authors made an excellent metaphor about stress and your body. Think of a deer running in front of you when you are driving and all the things your body does to respond to this "fright". When you are under stress that does not go away aka infertility...you do not give your body a chance to return to a calm state. It is as if a deer is running in front of you over and over again. This can do crazy things to your body including lowering your immune defenses, and putting undo stress on your body which can effect fertility. So I am trying to use the mind/body techniques throughout the day and at night when I feel my anxiety and stress start to take over.
I am planning on calling my doctor in the beginning of March if my cycle still hasn't returned. When I started the medication he said March...so hopefully that is the case.
I am taking a School Law class and learning a lot from it. Nathan is doing well in school, has signed up for the Praxis in social studies, and is starting to get things together for student teaching.
As with everything our life is busy and I can't beleive that it is going to be March soon. I am looking forward to spring and to my first summer not working.
Friday, January 8, 2010
New Year New You
So I am now on my 8th day of truthfully journaling on weight watchers. I say truthfully because I have done ww in the past however I have been lying to myself about what I have been eating and needless to say it did not work. So this time I am taking some steps to make it work. I have been using etools which has message boards and a plan manager. I am on the 100 Days of Journaling challenge message board. Every morning I go on and post a message...today I am on day 8 of 100. Believe if or not I already feel better. I have been sleeping better...less hot flashes...less stomach issues...more energy and it has only been one week.
Last night Nate and I set up our Christmas present...treadmill. They should tell you that the first workout you will complete on your treadmill is putting it together. It took us about 2 hours. But it is together and I am looking forward to going home today after school and starting my running program...well jogging for now. I am pretty much starting over. I am at the highest weight I have been in 15 years and the worse shape. Just not healthy. I am doing something about it.
We got our dining room and stairwell painted over the Christmas break. We had to repair the ceiling because of water damage. I is so nice to be making progress on the house.
Our puppy dog Jackson is going to the vet today, because he hurt his left hind leg. It is very swollen and he has been limping. Nathan is taking him and he said in just that he will return with him no matter what. I didn't think that was so funny. Nathan always says that he wouldn't spend a lot of money to get a dog treatment...well he may not but I will. We have had lots of snow and ice lately and Jackson must of slipped and pulled something or perhaps fractured his leg. He isn't wincing but he is having trouble walking down the stairs and getting up in the morning. When you take charge of a life, even a dogs' life, you have to take care of it even if it does cost you money.
Nothing new on the fertility front...just waiting until my body decides that it wants to be back to "normal". I am actually looking forward to getting my period. I want my body to feel like a woman again...lol.
Last night Nate and I set up our Christmas present...treadmill. They should tell you that the first workout you will complete on your treadmill is putting it together. It took us about 2 hours. But it is together and I am looking forward to going home today after school and starting my running program...well jogging for now. I am pretty much starting over. I am at the highest weight I have been in 15 years and the worse shape. Just not healthy. I am doing something about it.
We got our dining room and stairwell painted over the Christmas break. We had to repair the ceiling because of water damage. I is so nice to be making progress on the house.
Our puppy dog Jackson is going to the vet today, because he hurt his left hind leg. It is very swollen and he has been limping. Nathan is taking him and he said in just that he will return with him no matter what. I didn't think that was so funny. Nathan always says that he wouldn't spend a lot of money to get a dog treatment...well he may not but I will. We have had lots of snow and ice lately and Jackson must of slipped and pulled something or perhaps fractured his leg. He isn't wincing but he is having trouble walking down the stairs and getting up in the morning. When you take charge of a life, even a dogs' life, you have to take care of it even if it does cost you money.
Nothing new on the fertility front...just waiting until my body decides that it wants to be back to "normal". I am actually looking forward to getting my period. I want my body to feel like a woman again...lol.
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