Looking back on 2013...a year of excitement mixed heavily with tears as we continued on our journey to bring a child into our lives. We began the year with an iui treatment cycle that included our first round with injectables. We were so excited to begin a new protocol. The treatment cycle went great. The injections weren't as bad as expected. Since we are teachers, we had the majority of the treatment cycle off of work and were able to travel the hour drive to monitoring early in the day and have the rest of the day to relax. The 6am car ride was dark and long, however our excitement for what the treatment may bring was overwhelming. Our treatment cycle did bring a pregnancy, but it was short lived. I couldn't wait for the bloodwork, so when I begin to feel "pregnant" I took a home test and the 2 pink lined appeared. Cautious optimism, however I was excited. This may have actually worked. I went in for bloodwork which showed a positive beta, but a low number. I went in 48hrs later and the beta showed the pregnancy did not keep and was diagnosed as a chemical pregnancy. Heartbroken.
The spring was full of sports practice and more test. I had major genetic testing done that involved 19 vials of blood and a huge bruise going up my arm. These test showed that I am a carrier of the mutation for Fragile X, a severe MTHFR mutation, and an anti-thrombin mutation. This diagnoses brought us to a genetic counselor, a hematologist, and a major decision of what our next steps would be. I was put on low dose baby aspirin, more folic acid with vitamin B, and we decided that the 4% chance of passing on Fragile X to a son was not enough for us to stop trying to have our own child.
Our summer was full of traveling. Our 6000 mile summer. We visited family in Minnesota, a friend's wedding in Wisconsin, ending our month long vacation with a week in the Outer Banks with family. A wonderful and relaxing summer.
We begin our second treatment cycle with Shady Grove Fertility in August. This was an IUI that included injectables and many monitoring appointments. As before I was unable to wait for the bloodwork and took a hpt 10 days after the insemination and there it was the second pink line. Very cautiously optimistic this time around, as this would make my 5th positive hpt. This pregnancy was an up and down roller coaster of tears, maybes, and what ifs. At 4 weeks, when an ultrasound should show a sac...there was nothing. Our doctor sent us to the main office because my numbers were so high and there was a fear of an ectopic pregnancy, tears. At 5 weeks there was a sac, measuring a little small, but it was there, joy. A week later went back for another ultrasound and the gestational sac was bigger and a yolk sac was present, however no heartbeat, tears. 4 days later another ultrasound. We were expecting the worse, tears even before the appointment and lo and behold there it was, a heartbeat. A little slow and slightly hidden, but it was there, cautious, very cautious optimism. This was our first heartbeat. Our 5th pregnancy, our first heartbeat. The baby was measuring behind, however there was hope, even though small, that it may catch up. I decided I would be happy this week. I would be pregnant and not contemplate what the next appointment would bring. Week 8 ultrasound..no heartbeat...lots of tears...heartbreak. A miscarriage. For one week I was pregnant. I went about my days pregnant. This was the longest pregnancy that we have had since our journey began 5 years ago.
We are still on the roller coaster ride of this pregnancy. I am under monitoring that includes bloodwork every week until my beta draws drop back to not pregnant. My hormone levels have not dropped as fast as the dr's or myself would like. I have terrible veins and every blood draw brings numerous sticks and bruises. We had the tissue analyzed which will be discussed with us at our follow-up appointment in February.
Silver-lining...My husband and I went to an adoption information meeting at Bethany Christian Services. This meeting once again began the excitement of how we would build our family. I also received my NationalTeacher certification, which has opened up the financial means to begin the adoption process. We are planning to attend another agencies' meeting and also talk with the state agency about foster to adopt. Our goal is to choose our path and begin the application process this summer. We will keep the appointment with our fertility dr, however we will not go through IVF and will only consider another IUI if there are answers as to why we can not keep a pregnancy.
My goals for 2014 are to get my life back. Infertility has consumed my life. I have let my own physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being go. I am resolving to find myself again. To get healthy and remember that being healthy will ultimately lead us to building our family and living the life we want.
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